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This Is Sajt Booth
I have so much precious jewelry and geology on this booth that I will present to you this table of contents to aid your browsing and to encourage you to SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN! There's some really great stuff down there!
• August 20 - Great Short Story!
• August 19 - Great Unposted DJQuake Guest Comic!
• August 13 - Great Photos of Masculine and Feminine Quakeguy, Respectively
• August 12 - Great Windowz Hacking Tips
• August 11 - Seventeen Great Free New Quake Models! (highlight of the booth!)
• August 10 - Great Quake Artwork for Decals and Appliques
Day 10, staring blankly at August 20
Today is the last day, and here's a little something special. This is a little ditty I made up when I heard it on the radio.
In Which Mr. Wes Ferly Chances Upon The Fabulously Ponderous Macrocosm
By: One Sajtte H. Fremulate, I, Esq.
Written on the Night of the Thor’s Day occurring on the 13th of Februarius, 1816 B.B.Q.
THERE IS A great pulchritudinous shack on the top of a hill where the moon ambles out from behind the clouds in the night sky and the delicate blades of grass bend lithely in the breeze. When one lays one’s body to rest in the rolling fields thereabout, one cannot help but acquiesce to the resplendence of the hillocks and dales. Through countless days and nights, the shack slept in the warm embrace of the Universe. But this day, even Fate himself was aroused from his slumber when he smelled a cart rolling roughly down the overgrown path.
— Holy Banian fincas, cried the haggard old man in his green and blue tartan mackinaw. By the thatchy hairs upon mine own mandy man-mandible!
His apparent distress was directed at the shack he was presently approaching. For you see, this man, one Wes Ferly, Esq., was born in this very shack to a Mr. Wes Ferly Sr., Esq. and a Mrs. Crispina H. Ferly. Mr. Ferly (Jr.) had nothing but shameful memories laced with hurt and wine when he thought of his early years, but something drove him back. Something awful and frightening that tore at him in his dreams. When I was a wee lad, I promised meself never to return here, thought he. But look at me now. Led like an Ogre to a human slumber party.
Part I: Odium and the Perspiracy
Mr. Ferly dismounted from his yak-driven cart and placed his tough leather boots on the grassy path. He was still perhaps half a cable’s length from the shack but already his soul had entered it. As if in a trance, he could feel the fear, the foolish foulness, the frivolous fatuity, the forced fidelity, the fallacious flotation, the frantic flapdoodle, the [blah blah blah - Ed.], and the oily perspiration. All the muscles in his body were rigid in protest but by some malign force his feet still shambled slowly, clumsily down the path.
* * * * *
One by one, teasingly, Jryce revealed the cards in his hand while Bared read them aloud in astonishment.
— Ten of Spades… Jack of Spades… Queen of Spades… The High Priestess… Five of Pentacles?
Jryce was as confused as Bared was. And thusly quoth he:
— I haven’t the quaintest of ideas what things are perspiring between us!
— Jryce, you must be quiet and let the answer come to you in dreams.
And with that, Jryce and Bared sat in deep thought for several hours, during which Jryce briefly left to drain the lizard and Bared fixed himself a tuna with ketchup sandwich.
The rest of the day passed quickly and cheerfully now that Jryce and Bared had come to their epiphanic skinny (which was far too long to be printed in so modest a Quake Expo as this). Thenceupon night approached and Jryce and Bared became tired and they went to bed to consummate their day.
Part II: Soapy Smith
The next morning, Jryce awoke to a sweating start to find something tickling his toes. He burst out of his straw-filled hammock and found a puppy named Soapy Smith coughing up a hairball. Jryce noticed a strange intelligent light in Soapy Smith’s eyes this morning, and Soapy Smith opened his mouth and spake:
— My dear friends, thou art in grave danger. For verily, one doth come to taketh thine house from thee in the darkest of days.
Jryce was concerned, so he popped his head out the window. He noticed that the day was very bright, and thus was relieved, and so he notified the pup: My dear Soapy Smith, why do you come to us in this early hour? For surely the day of which you speak shall not come for many moons!
— Perhaps, but this is the only day I could warneth thee. For tomorrow I haveth an appointment at the puppy salon and the following three days I shall be at the Pattersons’ house while mine owners art away.
— And the days immediately thereafter?
At this the puppy was angered and relieved himself on the shag carpet. But as he was about to leave, his ears suddenly perked up and he rubbed his hands together nervously.
— Hark! my friends, I must go! For the day of which I speak has come!
The puppy barreled down the hall and crashed through the wall, running away onto and beyond the lumpy horizon. And indeed, Jryce did look out the window and see that dark thunderclouds were rolling in to cloak the fat old sun.
— Bared, Bared! My love, we must awaken!
Jryce kicked Bared’s hammock until Bared was roused.
— Bared, the day of reckoning has come! We must ready ourselves quickly, before the sun is taken!
Bared nodded in wise knowing and went to the bathroom to apply makeup. But at that very moment, much sooner than even Soapy Smith himself could have expected, the door burst open and in bounded one surly Mr. Wes Ferly, Esq.
Part III:Melancholy
— Au! au! It is the demon who will take from us our very children and defile our sacred places, cried Bared.
— Ia! ia! The goat with a thousand young! exclaimed Jryce.
And Ferly did stomp down the front hall, and up the stairs, and to the W.C., for surely after such a long journey one would have the fullest of bowels. Fifteen minutes later did he return, and precisely then did he notice the presence of Jryce and Bared, and the small hairs on the furniture which did remember the presence of Soapy Smith, and he cried out angrily,
— Hello! would you like to buy one of these fine leather jackets?
It was in fear that Bared did act. And his foot connected with Ferly’s gonads with such a force that could be heard as far away as the bird flies in a fortnight. Ferly’s face showed his pain, and as a direct result of that pain, he crumpled to the ground and left the house in a very uncomfortable silence.
Forever.
* * * * *
It is true that there is a great pulchritudinous shack on the top of a hill where the moon ambles out from behind the clouds in the night sky and the delicate blades of grass bend lithely in the breeze. And it is true that when one lays one’s body to rest in the rolling fields thereabout, one cannot help but acquiesce to the resplendence of the hillocks and dales. And it is not true (and for this reason was not included in the first paragraph) that there is a strange man named Peter hiding in a white van amongst the pines under the old wooden bridge. But the night will never be the same, now with the air ruffled so. No, Fate will not be caught off guard. Unless something occurs on the 31st of March, when Fate has a date with Mother Goose.
Mr. Ferly never did recover. Jryce and Bared went on to become spouses to famous people. And Soapy Smith… well, let us say that Soapy Smith is another story.
* Note: some names have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.
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Day 9, stabbing August 19 in the heart with a trident
Yeah, so that was it. Who cares. Well, actually, I have one last thing. An old DJQuake guest strip that never got put up. I think I posted it on Inside3D a long time ago though... you might have seen it. Basically, it's so old, it makes fun of the rumours that weapon-cleaning would be an element of Half-Life 2.
Day 4, stealing cable signals from August 13
Today, I slept in and spent the day farting around and doing nothing. And I'll do it again tomorrow. But I did have time to snap a few photographs of dear old Quakeguy, who has been a little desperate for business lately. He did well at first, giving is trademark impression of a man who is 7 feet tall and apparently 600 lbs of pure polygonal muscle. However, later into the shoot, the quality of his work began to deteriorate as he starting prancing like a girl scout high on pot. He was sad when I did not give him a bonus for being sexy, because I thought he was confused. What?
Day 3, working under the alias August 12
Today, I slept in and spent the day farting around and doing nothing. However, I did have time for your daily treat: A screenshot of me upgrading my system. Don't tell the Man that I'm ripping him off.
Day 2, formerly known as August 11
I was just rummaging around yesterday in my computer, looking for some codes to hack, when I came across a folder full of a ton of old models for the countless amounts of mods of mine that never beached in the sun. They're pretty interesting, and before I fake my death by blowing up my house I thought I should get them out so they don't disappear into the vaccuum of space. All these models were created exclusively in qME as far as I know, which is the worst modelling program you'll find, but it has good animation and it works well enough for Quake models. If you're too lazy to download the models (I know I would be), at least check out the screenshots, because they are ace in the hole.
If you want to use any of these models, go ahead, but give me credit.
- Lude:
Full screenshot -
Download MDL
If you're planning on writing a biography of me, this is a must-have. This is the first model I ever made, during my first days with my first modelling program, qME. I'm surprised I managed to figure out skinmapping and (horrible) animation for it. As for the model itself, it's some weird combination between a giraffe and a clam (not sure where it came from).
- Otyugh:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
A character from Baldur's Gate (2?) and evidently from Dungeons & Dragons who I thought was interesting In The Days Of My Youth, so I made a model of it. It has nice shape and form, and a half-finished skin. Best feature: a modelled tongue with a detailed porous texture, and licking animations to go with it.
- Borb:
Full screenshot - Download qME MDO (has its own palette, also contains hi-res TGA skin)
A strange character that was going to be for a weird third-person game. The obvious segmentation was intentional. I think I was trying to rush this game.
- Sajt Monkey from SFFD:
Full screenshot - Download MDL and qME MDO (has skeleton)
This was my second go at a player model for Shub Fusion: Fates Die (by Shadowborg). The first one was deemed not good enough to be here, but this one is kind of neat. It is an awkwardly-proportioned monkey with a lot of modelled detail, a rare thing for Quake models. The skin isn't finished, but there are some neat animations: running with flapping arms, kung fu stance, sexy crouching, flailing pain animation, standing with gun, and shooting lightning and nail guns. Included in the model is a tent which was intended to be a fun little feature: if you stand around a lot, the monkey will enter his tent and stick his gun out the flap. Never got around to an animation for that.
- Cake Oven:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
I like this model a lot. It was supposed to be a wacky oven for Hammy-Bob Quake with a cheesecake in it. It was supposed to be placed in a room around 150 units high, so the big chimney thing would go into the roof.
- Quakeguy on a Swivel Chair:
Full screenshot - Download MDL and qME MDO (has skeleton)
This model is one of my favourites: it looks good and has a scant but complete set of animations. He was intended to be the evil boss of the Sunny Meadows Home for Seniors in Hammy-Bob Quake, and I even got as far as making a cutscene where he swiveled slowly to face the player when you met him. He was inspired by a funny little Mac shareware game called Harry the Handsome Executive. His animations include the basic idle, pain, and attack, scooting backwards on his swivel chair, and a great rocket-jumping animation (someone please make him into a bot or monster or something! Just so you can use this animation!).
- Huge Pop Can Launching Alien:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
Never got around to a name for this guy. He's a huge alien, made for Hammy-Bob Quake, with a cool head and a 'SuperFizz' (fictional) pop machine (I don't know what you Yanks call those) on his back. There are tubes connecting the pop machine to cannons mounted on his arms. He was intended to fire cans of bicarbonate of soda at the player. He is also segmented in the middle because I intended to make a death animation where he gets cut in half. I have a standing pose and walking animation for him, but they're nothing exceptional. I would love to see this guy show up in a mod sometime.
- Conan the Librarian:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
Intended for the speedmod today but I got sick of it. Anyway here's Conan the Librarian. He's basically what would happen if two specific different Conans were put on 'If They Mated'. He has animations for running, standing, pain, dying, and whacking stuff with his book of magic spells. I messed up the animations a bit when I extended his legs to look more like a certain Conan. If you ask me, the skin is the best part of this model (it uses elements from the Book of Skins guy's skins, and the head by me).
- Tim-Jim:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
The player model from Hammy-Bob Quake. He doesn't actually look like the real Tim-Jim, and hammy bob was going to reskin his face, but there wasn't really enough pixels to work with to create the Tim-Jim effect. Also, in this model Tim-Jim is wearing a bicycle helmet and very short pants. Anyway, this is an oldie, with Quake2-style segmented arms, and two or three basic animations. If you use him somewhere, please don't call him Tim-Jim out of respect.
- New Zombie:
Full screenshot - Download MDL and qME MDO (with skeleton)
This was a remodelled Zombie very similar to the original Quake one (it uses the same skin on the body), but the head is changed to resemble the zombie-head-on-a-stick weapon from Hammy-Bob Quake. This was intended to be the monster you could get said weapon from.
- Zombie Head on a Stick Weaponmodel:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
A weapon from Hammy-Bob Quake. You whack people with a zombie head on a stick. I think it lines up with the v_axe animations.
- Pop Can Weaponmodel:
Full screenshot - Download MDL (also includes projectile and ammo models)
A popular weapon from Hammy-Bob Quake. It was coded into a little release that was put out on Inside3D a year or two ago. It has animations for shaking the can, throwing the can (the can is supposed to explode on impact), and drinking from the can. Also included in the download are a model of a six-pack of pop to be used for ammo, and a pop can grenade model.
- Razor Candy Weaponmodel:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
Another weaponmodel from the off-beat Hammy-Bob Quake mod. This is some hard candy with not-so-hidden razors in it. It was intended to be dropped onto the ground, where monsters would approach and eat it, then choke as the razors eviscerated the inside of their throat. The incomplete animation set includes a fidget animation where the player idly tosses and catches the candy, and a throw animation.
- Scuba Gear:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
Scuba gear pickup model from Hammy-Bob Quake. Not sure if the scale is correct.
- 3 Unskinned Weapons:
Full screenshot - Download MDLs
3 weapons from a deathmatch mod I don't even remember working on. Apparently this is how far it got. The models are a simple crossbow, a grappling-hook launcher (which looks pretty sexy and has a skinmap), and an ugly round rocket-launcher (which has a few animations). They are not ready to go. They're probably not centred and are probably on the wrong scale, but maybe you can salvage something from them.
- Weaponmodel of Mass Destruction:
Full screenshot - Download MDL
 A weaponmodel from a mod that I probably dropped after a single day of working on it. The mod was called Weapons of Mass Destruction, and was going to be a weapons replacement featuring ludicrous over-the-top weapons. This one in particular has a rotating 18-barrel chaingun and two mini rocket-launchers, all on one weapon. It was fun to skin, because I used the 'retro' method of piecemealing bits from existing Quake weapon skins (mostly the Thunderbolt in this case) for the body of the weapon, and the rest was poorly made from scratch. It has a cycling fire animation.
- Fniggium Model Dump:
Full screenshot - Download MDLs
This is an assortment of old models from my medieval-themed mod Fniggium. I have not given up on the project yet, but by the time I continue it these will no doubt be useless, so they're all yours! Included are a cool scythe, throwing knife, axe, polearm, broadsword, half-done horse, potion bottle, generic goblin, and stone gargoyle, all unskinned. Also included are a skinned shortsword, and, my personal favourite, a skinned longsword. These were picked out of a directory of literally hundreds of half-done models. There were other directories full of more Fniggium models that I like, but some of it was lost in a deleting accident, and more of it I just don't know where to find. These models are not ready to go. Only two are skinmapped (the others will probably give errors on skinmap version or skinwidth if you try to load them up in Quake), the rest will need to be finished up in a modelling program, and all are probably out of scale.
- Ferrari 550 Maranello:
Full screenshot
A Ferrari 550 Maranello, one of the best-looking cars out there. I liked it so much I decided to try car modelling for the first time (this was a few years ago, and I haven't done another one since). For reference I think I got blueprints off Onno van Braam's site or something, and I have a 1/24 scale replica which was helpful. I used Milkshape 3D to model it, and it's something like 1200 polies. There's no download because I still plan to use this someday, after a few tweaks and touchups.
Day 1, also known as August 10
I don't know if I released these ever (actually I think I did, twice), but I tell you they're the cat's balls; absolutely mother-superior material. Made by me a few years back, these are charming Quake-themed images that can be used for anything, but were designed to be computer case decals. But personally, I think they would make great cookie cutters. Who wouldn't want to bite the stumpy limbs off a gingerbread Shambler?
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